The 7 Commadments of Aging — John Waters Style

Da MAN

Da MAN

I laughed my ass off reading his 364 page book of joyous road to ruins wisdom. Take heed —‘cause it’s a bitch for radicals to “age gracefully.”

1. “Windswept” and “distinguished” do not go hand in hand. Nothing shouts midlife crisis louder than driving a convertible.

2. As soon as you stop listening to new music, your life is over. You are an old fart.

3. Try speaking in only sound bites for one whole day. Then, once you understand how the media works, you can both use each other – one for free material, the other for unpaid advertisements.

4. Skinny jeans on men* (my insertion) over twenty are a no-no. You look like a loser in a Ramones Halloween costume.

5. Eat sensibly on weekends and irresponsibly on weekends.

6. Never say “I love you” out loud to the person you do unless they are sleeping. It takes the pressure off.

7. Believe your own grandiosity and go wrong to make your career go right. (my personal fave)

Almost verbatim but not quite — The Beloved Filth Elder, John Waters