PHOTOS: CHRISTOPHER SCALZI / DISTILLED STUDIOS
Hair/Makeup: Tiagi Lambert
That necklace: Designed by Liz Friedman
The Bomb in all her glory
The beyond glorious jewelry designer/fashion icon/consummate New Yorker, 81 year-old Liz Friedman, is utterly charming with her wit and — yes — gonna say it — wisdom. But this ain't granny story time — her yarns had me doing spit takes with my 11 dollar cappuccino when we met at Ralphs Coffee. Like the one about how Bergdorf's started to carry her (beyond amazing) jewelry line... At first they foolishly ignored her calls until she left the following message: “If I didn’t love this store so much I wouldn’t bother telling you this. I've been in your downstairs café selling my jewelry like crazy, and you are not making a nickel on these sales. Wouldn’t you like to talk?” The phone rang within minutes. Slay, Queen!
And GBs, the Liz Freidman ride is just beginning — fasten your seatbelts for a glorious ride…
GLORIOUS PROFESSION: Fundraiser Cum Jewelry Designer Cum Consummate New Yorker
GLORIOUS PERSONA: Draws a Crowd Just Walking Down the Street, Late Bloomer
GLORIOUS QUALITIES: Hilarious Storyteller, Survivor, Thriver, Living Her Best Life
GLORIOUS PHILOSOPHY:
“I want you to look at me! I DON’T want to be invisible.”
SO HOW AND WHEN DID YOU DEVELOP YOUR LOOK? I LOVE THAT IT’S NOT OVERLY OUTRAGEOUS — JUST PURE FUCKIN’ FABULOUS.
I’m glad you call it fabulous.
I always knew that what I loved and what I could have were not the same thing. First, I grew up as a fat kid. Second, my parents were very leftist — they viewed clothes as superficial.
SO WHAT DID THE YOUNG YOU DO?
I started to sew my own clothes. Very early. And in ’56, I went off to college and lived on a Kibbutz in Israel.
HOW DID YOU BLOSSOM ON A KIBBUTZ???
Well, anything related to fashion was deliberately denigrated there … but I got ahold of Vogue magazine. It cost a whole month’s allowance and I devoured it. I couldn’t have any of that stuff but …
BUT WHAT?
Coming back from Israel, where we saw NOTHING, we went to Italy, Florence and Rome for 4 days. The impression that made on me …
TELL ME.
Those women! The cut of the suits, the leather, the shoes! I wore a size nine shoe which was unheard of in Italy in those days. But I managed. That whole elegant look — yet something more. My basic style has stayed the same since.
BUT HOW DID YOU TURN INTO … THIS?
I returned home, and in my freshman year at Queens College, I met this older woman I was trying to befriend. She said to me, ‘I think you're the best kid in the world, and I want to be friends with you but — I don’t like fat kids. So as soon as you get that off … ‘
I lost 75 pounds.
I went to Paris to finish school, and suddenly, everybody’s falling all over me. (chuckling) That never happened before…
UNLEASHED — at 65
HOW DID YOU DRESS IN YOUR WORKING LIFE?
When you’re paid a salary, you have to do what they want. I had to be conservative. Stylish, but conservative. But when I left the organization ...
YOU WERE UNLEASHED …
First, I discovered consignment clothing. I had a secretary who used to have these clothes that — how the hell can she afford this …
And she told me about this place called Encore — the granddaddy of resale shops — and I was off to the races.
AND THE VINTAGE?
This jacket I have on is from 1900 — I bought stuff like this from a garage on 25th street — the workmanship! And I wore those wonderful petticoats — made me look like I was on the Titanic.
Then I started to go to England where they had great hat makers. It was like a costume party. And it just fed on itself.
LOVE.
And then I got into making jewelry …
WHAT AGE?
I was retired. Like …. 2003. I’m 81 now so whatever that was.
I started getting more and more attention and meeting people. I was staying at the Regina Hotel in Paris. I walked out on the street and some very tall gentleman came over and slips me a piece of paper — it was a modeling release.
He said: ‘Madame, you are the most fashionable woman in all Paris.’ Now, when I was 20 — nobody ever paid any attention to me like that.
But everybody's gathering on the street. They think I’m somebody famous …
LOVE LOVE!
Then this bus tour comes along and the guide gets off the bus and — thinking I didn’t speak French — says: Ladies and gentleman: Now this is Parisian chic. I said: ‘Yeah, from Brooklyn.’
I got a laugh …
AND YOU’RE STILL PASSIONATE ABOUT FASHION …
I am as excited about fashion today at 81 as I was when I 20 years old.
And I want you to look at me!
I DON’T want to be invisible. (laughs)
DID YOU DREAM AT 16 YOU WOULD BECOME THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE TODAY?
I saw myself always living in Manhattan and being a very sort of sophisticated type.
AN AUNTIE MAME TYPE?
Absolutely.
“ Have your own, be your own, do your own.”
DID YOU WANT KIDS?
I used to think about it. But I sort of knew that wasn’t for me.
HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR TIME? YOU’RE SHOT BY PHOTOGRAPHERS ON THE STREETS — EVERYWHERE.
it’s very unstructured. I leave myself open to new adventures.
WELL, YOUR ENERGY IS AMAZING.
You don't see me lying about in an old terry cloth bath robe …
ARE YOU AT ALL INTERESTED IN A LOVE LIFE AT THIS POINT?
I don’t think about it.
My young friend is funny — she’ll say oh look — this guy's looking at you …
What am I gonna do with that? No. That someone should look the other way.
WHEN DID YOU WALK AWAY FROM ALL THAT?
When I was 40, I cleaned up everything. I stopped drinking. I stop smoking. I stopped drugs and I said I would stop having sex for a bit. I was promiscuous back then …
OUCH
I would try that for a year and then — somewhere along the line — celibacy chose me.
Also — I didn’t do what you have to do to attract a guy.
LIKE?
I always felt that what I liked most about me is what made me least likeable to men: My outrageousness. My strong opinions.
I couldn’t live with a man now. Although … adjoining planets might work …
AND IF HE ROCKETS OVER TO YOUR PLANET ONCE IN A WHILE …
WELL, WHAT WERE YOU DOING FOR A LIVING AT FORTY?
Always fundraising.
AND HOW WAS THAT?
I loved it.
I wasn’t the March of Dimes. I don’t do that crowd.
I don't do direct mail. You give me a million dollars and I’ll do things with grace.
It's not fundraising, it’s friend raising.
People think — oh you're doing good. No. I’m not doing good. I’m doing well.
ABOUT THAT CLEAN UP …
TELL ME MORE ABOUT THAT CLEAN UP AT 40 — THAT A BIG RESTART?
Well, I kind of went off the rails for a while.
I never got fat again. But that fear was looming over me. I did all the anorexic things — the bulimic things. I was thinking about food all the time. And I loved that everybody thought I was in control. But I was totally out of control.
AND WERE YOU WORKING?
Oh yes, I was a successful working woman. But I would go on these eating binges … it seems so long ago. It’s easy to talk about now.
I would start on a Friday night and by the time I had to go back to work on Monday, I couldn’t fit into anything, my face was swollen — and I was drinking.
Everything was falling apart.
WHAT TURNED IT AROUND?
I walked into an Overeaters Anonymous Meeting. I immediately thought — these are the sickest people I've ever seen in my life.
And somebody came over to me and said: ‘Could you come to 30 meetings, one meeting every day?’
Well, I wasn’t even gonna stay through this one. (Laughs)
And I said, Well, what if I don't like it? Do I get my money back? I didn't know it was free…
Her answer? ‘At the end of the 30 days, if you don't like what happens here, we’ll give you back your over eating and your misery. How’s that?’
And I thought: this is powerful.
VERY.
So I started to go every day. And I thought what they did in there was ridiculous. Stupid.
That was 40 years ago and I’ve never eaten another grain of sugar, I’ve never had a food binge and I’ve never over eaten since.
But it was hard. Then I thought, I might as well clean up everything else: drinking, smoking, all of it. And I'd like to tell you that my life worked out wonderfully from then on.
It didn’t.
IT WASN’T ALL RAINBOWS Y’ALL
I went through a period for five years where I almost never got out of bed. I lost my job. I lost everything. I didn't have a cent to my name. I thought it was over. In AA they say: the miracle is just around the corner. And I thought all the king's horses and all the king's men can’t help me out …
My brother was paying my rent. But nobody knew what was going on — ‘cause I could still get dressed…
I have a five year blank in my resume …
And one day … I was now 46, I had to go to a wedding in Jersey.
And I got all dressed up, the way I did.
This woman comes over to me and says, ‘I remember you. You’re the best fundraiser in the business. You’re gonna come work for me.’
I thought — ho ho, yeah, sure …
She said: What are you doing these days?
I said, oh… very busy. Then she told me: ‘I just gave a foundation a million dollars but they’ll only get it if they raise another million to match — and they’re inept with raising funds ….. ‘
OH MY GOD. WOW.
And I didn’t know anyone. ANYONE.
She says I want you to go see the foundation President tomorrow. I didn't even have bus fare. I carried my shoes in my bag as I walked there. The President and I interview. And that's when I learned the rules of the working world, which I now teach. You never go to personnel — and don’t have a resumé. It means nothing. ‘Cause when somebody who gave a million dollars says to the President: You're gonna hire her … you've got the job.
He never asked me what I've been doing all these years. Instead it's: Someone told me that you're an expert in this area. Can you help us? ‘Well, I’m busy.’ Can’t you give us any time?
‘Well, maybe three days a week.’
My scenario was at the end of the first day, they’ll fire me. But they'll have to pay me for that day and I could live on that for a long time. So he asked, how much do you get? This was like 1986. I said $500 a day — the biggest number I could think of. He says yeah, we can give you that.
So I went in Monday. I came back Wednesday, and in one month, I raised a million dollars.
YOU’RE KILLING ME …
They thought I walked on the water. They made me a director of the organization at some astronomical salary. So that was the end of that.
I’M DUMBFOUNDED.
If my brother wasn’t paying my rent, I’d be on street. I had nothing. I used to think, how did I use to buy a dress? How did I buy a tube of lipstick? And then the next two days after I got hired, I’m on a yacht — and we’re cruising up the Hudson.
WOW, WOW, THAT ….
I believe that there is a miracle in everybody's life, you just got to get out there and find it and I keep telling people: Do not stay in your apartment.
NO.
You know what that is? You open a vial and you put poison into your head and then you close it up. You need to be talking, meet people — stay outside.
Every addiction whether drinking, drugs, eating. You know what they’re called? Diseases of isolation.
THAT IS SOME STORY …
The great biographer, Ted Morgan, said ‘I'm never interested in anybody who’s life trajectory is just upwards. It bores me.’
And me neither. I want to know — how low did you go and what did you do to get up?
Too much success puts me to sleep.
IN THE BEGINNING, WHEN I WAS FIRST WRITING THESE INTERVIEWS, I WAS JUST DOING HAPPY NEWS. AND SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I REALIZED I HAD TO ASK THESE WOMEN ABOUT WHAT CHANGED THEM — THE CHALLENGES — THE MUCK THEY CLIMBED OUT OF …
Yeah. If you ask a very successful guy, how did you get here, he’ll say, well, I kicked ass and I did this, I did that. Most women will tell you — guess I just got lucky…
CAN WE CHANGE THAT IN OUR LIFETIME? I THINK THE YOUNGER GENERATION WILL — AND IS …
“One of the sad things that happens to older people: They don’t fantasize any more. I was going to start a thearapy group — a fantasy factory”
DO YOU HAVE ANY DESIRE TO BE 20 AGAIN?
None.
98% OF THE WOMEN I INTERVIEW TELL ME THIS.
My life took off like a bat out of hell from 46 to now. Those early years were kind of horrific.
WOULD YOU SAY YOU’RE A SPIRITUAL PERSON?
You are familiar with the 12 steps?
OH YES. I LIVE NEXT TO THE INFAMOUS PERRY STREET AA HOUSE.
Well, I'm not a believer. I always tell everybody you can get sober and clear without believing in “God.”
OH YEAH, I’VE HEARD: GOD IS A GANG OF DRUNKS …
But for a while I did …. you know, you get very desperate and when you have no money — you grab on to anything — you'll grab on to Marianne Williamson (laughs) … or what’s your sign in astrology …
But there is a magic to AA. You can take people that have been to every kind of therapy. Nothing works. And you stick them in a room with a bunch of drunks and they get it all out.
And I haven't stuck with anything else for 40 years....
WERE YOU MARRIED?
Yeah. For 2 years. Age 30.
SO WHAT IS YOUR PHILOSOPHY ON MARRIAGE?
Women are better off developing themselves and their way of life alone. Be with a man because you like his company, but have your own life, enjoy your own company, and own your own money.
The minute you go with a man because you need something … it’s over.
DO YOU THINK PARTNERSHIPS CAN BE EQUAL?
I’ve seen so many women who never really develop. ‘My husband wouldn't want me to do this … if I go in that direction, it would end the marriage.’
Even in my two years of marriage this happened. ‘He wouldn’t like this, I have a secret about that, I can’t do this…’
Eventually, you’re gonna rebel.
But I may be a little cynical … (laughs)
PREACH!
SO, DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS?
The amount of time I spent worrying and thinking about men — which is what we’re doing now.
OOOPS.
GOT SOME ADVICE FOR YOUNG WOMEN?
Have your own, be your own, do your own.
DID SUCCESS CHANGE FOR YOU AS TIME WENT ON — OR IS SUCCESS JUST SUCCESS?
After all those years in AA, where they tell you you’re a successful person if you don’t drink today — well — it’s a little hard to buy that one. But after my struggles, I don't like to measure success in terms of dollars and cents any more.
ARE YOU THE SAME PERSON THAT YOU WERE AT 30, 40, 50?
No. I don't think anybody is. I don’t want to be. Do we become wiser? I don’t know. There are plenty of stupid older people. I think the important thing is — keep being open.
SO WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS THE BIGGEST RISK YOU’VE TAKEN IN YOUR LIFE?
I stayed alone.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED FOR?
For the humor. Being interesting. Being fun. Being generous. I’ll be happy with that.
I THINK YOU’RE A GLORIOUS BROAD. WHAT DOES GLORIOUS MEAN TO YOU?
Glorious Broad is like … Elaine Stritch, Rosalind Russell, Diana Vreeland.
A generosity of spirit.
EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?
When you talk with someone like this, you feel like the most important person. They find you endlessly fascinating. There have been about a half a dozen men like that in my life.
A HALF A DOZEN? MEN THAT YOU LIKE? THAT YOU LOVE?
Love in a different kind of way.
Adlai Stevenson was one them. I could say that name to you because you’ll know who he was. He was that. And I remember a story I read that spoke to me — there was a party one night and Jack Kennedy was standing with journalist, Clayton Fritchey — and there was Adlai, surrounded by a troop of enraptured, beautiful women. Kennedy turns to his friend and says: ‘What the hell does that guy have? He’s fat. He's bald.’ Clayton says: ‘You want to know Jack? You love women. Adlai likes them. They know the difference.’
And he’s right. It’s a certain thing, not just manners …
The way they treat you… not condescending, with interest. With savoir faire.
It’s relaxed. It is sexual. But it's not sexual.
Life enhancing. No matter what you do, you are perfect.
And when I have an encounter with somebody, afterwards I ask myself, do I feel like the same person? Do I feel diminished?
YES.
Or do I feel elevated?
YES.
MORE UPS AND DOWNS
Today is my birthday, and my friend made reservations at Jean-Georges — the meal’s gonna cost $100 each at least. When we got there, the hostess said ‘Oh I couldn’t get you the table you wanted — that’s for VIPs.’
So: Diminished right away. What a stupid thing to say. She should just say: I’m sorry.
Now, if you had been to a Danny Meyer’s restaurant —
UNION SQUARE CAFÉ?
My brother took me there for lunch and I loved it. So I came back. I didn’t know that you needed reservations.
I get down there and there’s this big line, including Christopher Reeve, before the accident, and Bob Abrams, who was running for Senate. This young kid comes over to me and shows me this perfect table that was reserved. He says, ‘Go to the bar, and if they don't show — it's yours.’ I ask: ‘But Christopher Reeves and Bob Abrams are here.’ The young kid said ‘And Liz Friedman. And you are Liz Friedman.’
I LOVE THAT.
After 10 minutes, he says — it’s your table. And we were served like queens.
At the end of this perfect meal, I came up to this kid and — I never do this — but I slipped him five dollars. He puts it back in my hand and said ‘You don’t have to do that — ‘cause I am the owner and my name is Danny Meyers. The best gift you can give me is just keep coming back.’
NOW I LOVE HIM.
He elevated me.
Rules to live by!
THIS WAS SO AMAZING. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I feel like I did too much talking.
NO WAY. AFTER THIS ENCOUNTER, BELIEVE ME, I AM ELEVATED.
Liz has an instagram account she ignores at lizfriedman2. You’ll find her in Humans of New York Stories and popping up in fashion pages as, yep, the consummate New Yorker.